crazy/beautiful

2007-04-11T15:43:00.000+08:00

I've moved!

http://theperfectiveaspect.blogspot.com/

See you there (:

2007-03-30T10:04:00.000+08:00

I wake up.

I draw the blinds.

I let the rays stream in (or rather, pour in and attack me like an army of ants surrounding candy).

I played some music.

I turned up the volume.

I turned it up further.

I thought if it was loud enough, my mind will be occupied it and nothing else.

I guess it doesn't work this way.

Be strong, I told myself.

Be strong.

2007-03-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

To date

I've figured out the crux of why I love helping people plan dates.

It's amazing how words have so many diverse meanings to different people. Romantic, cosy, sweet, casual, formal, over-the-top and even (or especially) perfect.

The part I love about planning dates is the post-date, when the guy comes back with raving reviews of the places and food and things or whatever else they did on the date. How the date went exactly the way he had in mind. How his date absolutely adored everything.

What can feel better than helping people transform their desired dates into reality? From describing in wild circles his dream date and wallowing in desperation and exasperation as he simply does not know the whats and the hows to the real-life date.

(Of course the pampering of my ego is also very much welcome. Feel free to shower me with gifts, profuse thank-yous, compliments etc)

Now the question is, should I be doing this for a living?

2007-03-05T16:30:00.000+08:00

Farewell OC

I'm suffering from post-OC finale depression. It's very very very bad and I'm terribly upset. I know not alot of people are fans of this show. Not to mention avid crazy obsessed deranged ones like yours truly.

I miss the trademark Cohen humor.

I miss Seth's geeky-but-oh-so-endearing antics.

I miss Sandy's wits.

I miss Seth and Ryan's sarcastic exchanges.

I miss Seth and Summer's hilarious banters.

I miss the weird but sweet combination of Ryan and Taylor.

I miss the more-neurotic-than-me Taylor Townsend.

I miss Ryan Atwood's brooding eyes.

I miss the pretty clothes on Summer, Kaitlin and Taylor (and not forgetting the
show's very own fashionista Marissa).

I miss bagels with cream cheese.

I miss the diner.

I miss the black Range Rover.

I miss the pool house.

I miss the calming presence of Kirsten.

I miss the Sandy being the panacea.

I miss Julie Cooper and her out-of-this-world behavior.

I miss the Bait Shop.

I miss the lighthouse by the beach.

I miss Pancakes! (awww)

Yes I can go on forever. Why are there only 16 episodes for Season Four!? And why isn't there going to be a Season Five!!! Groans. I do not care if ratings are dropping in the US, you can't just terminate a show just like that. There's social responsibility to consider. Especially after you have been in my life for the past four years, you can't just leave like that :( :( :(

2007-02-27T16:42:00.000+08:00

Signs

Recently I found out that THE CHEESECAKE CAFE may be CLOSED!?!?!?! *thunder and lightning and horror :(

Now where am I supposed to go to satisfy my cravings for cheesecake and hazelnut-flavoured milk? :( :( :(

Yes, I am upset. Over cheesecake, nonetheless. You just need to take one bite and you won't think that I'm mad.

So when I was getting upset over this, I thought of something, or rather, someone else.

And I came up with this: Closure comes to you in the weirdest and most unexpected ways.

也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你

我也许喜欢想象你不需要抱着你

也许喜欢怀念你多于看见你

我也许喜欢想象你 受不了真一起

2007-02-24T16:23:00.000+08:00

Huat ah

At Mr Liew's insistence, I shall brave the NCPG test. Wish me luck people.

How do you know if you have a gambling problem?

1. You have often gambled longer than you had planned

Always. (How come ah?)

2. You have often gambled until your last dollar was gone

Nope.

3. Thoughts of gambling have caused you to lose sleep

Those who can sleep like a log after your 3 kakis jeopardized your da san yuan on purpose/ kena jie hu when you're ting-ing man tai please contact me.

4. You have used your income or savings to gamble while letting bills go unpaid

What bills?

5. You have made repeated, unsuccessful attempts to stop gambling

Never tried to stop and never will (:

6. You have broken the law or considered breaking the law to finance your gambling

Nah.

7. You have borrowed money to finance your gambling

Hey playing on credit is perfectly legitimate!

8. You have felt depressed or suicidal because of your gambling losses

Not really but I have felt murderous on the mj table before, which means I thought of harming others and not myself. Does that count???

9. You have been remorseful after gambling

Why should I? Probably if I didn't win enough? ;)

10. You have gambled to get money to meet your financial obligations

HAHAHAHAHA yes. Huaaaaat ahhhhh!!!

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you may wish to consult a professional for further assessment.

I'm not going anywhere! *ties self to mj table.

2007-02-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

"You float like a feather, in a beautiful world"

I live in a sheltered world.

One where kids don't start smoking in Primary 5.

One where 13 year-old boys don't carve the name of their girlfriends on their arms.

One where kids witnessing murders and violence and abuse are images that belong to nightmares.

One where I've yet to learn the meaning of loss.

So... What now?

2007-02-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

It's the little things that count

The Cheesecake Cafe cheesecake & hazelnut-flavoured milk.

A small white plastic heart.

A fab $99.90 Esprit coat.

New phone.

Pressies for my dear going-to-be-21 Andrea.

$350 YEP expenses.

Mystery Vday pressies.

Shopping sprees (the kind that ends with bags in hand, not sighs in head).

As you can tell by now, I was being sarcastic about the "little" part. But actually all I really want/need (they get blurred these days) now... is my sleeping pill. Or someone to knock me out and then kindly tuck me back into bed.

I think the sandman forgot about me tonight.

2007-02-03T13:29:00.000+08:00

When everything's meant to be broken

I count my blessings:

My family... for bringing me up to who I am today, and showing me unconditional love.

My dearest friends... Brown Bunny calls you genuine. And right now, I can't think of a better description that I can be more thankful for. You know who you are. Thank you.

My life... for just the way it is. There's always something more, something we wished we had, something that makes it all complete... How many times have we thought to ourselves, "If I could have that, my life would be perfect"? Your life is already perfect the way it is, just because its yours.

Brown Bunny... for being brown (: for choice, for trust, for faith, for patience and for just love, from now on.

2007-02-02T12:17:00.000+08:00

In light of the overwhelming inactivity of my tagboard, here's a more lighthearted post!

Shopping with Joce was a blast! Note to self: hanging out with friends sustains sanity (: Too bad we didn't have any casualties to show off. Note to self AND Joce: we shall embark on our next shopping trip when the wallets are fuller! Now I've to try to take my mind off that Topshop bag and that wonderful Esprit winter coat (ON SALE *grimaces in pain). Hmm why are all the powerful words four-lettered? S-A-L-E, L-O-V-E, P-O-N-G! (lol oops no they're no ordered according to importance!).

Anyway, this just means that I've to sell more flowers for vday... C'mon guys, BUY! It's my sole source of income right now since nobody wants to play mj with me anymore (I do NOT always win WHAT! *pouts).

Ask me out for the following movies: Miss Potter (must must must watch I love Peter Rabbit, don't you??? And NOOO it has NOTHING to do with Harry *roll eyes. I love Renee and Ewan together, don't you remember Down with Love??? I saw the trailer and everything about it has my name over all it. Haha I'm THE target audience!), Bobby, The Last King of Scotland, Half Nelson, Running with Scissors, The Illusionist, The Painted Veil.

And I can't wait for these upcoming ones: I can't remember the name but it's the one about the founding of CIA (now how cool is that?) starring Matt Damon and Angelina-Bradsnatcher-Jolie, Spidey3 (the black suit is hot *wink), Ocean's Thirteen, Factory Girl (yayyy plus Miller is hot! wait, are all Millers hot? *sighs)

Oh please, rain angbaos on me.

2007-01-26T14:36:00.000+08:00

The Black Cat

You know they tell us everyone is unique. I've been thinking alot about that lately and truth is, I think that we've all been had.

Maybe, maybe deep down inside, what we have is unique. But in real life, in this treacherous crazy bonkers world (that is capable of being so beautiful at times) we call our own, none of us is unique.

It's kind of like a larger-than-life game that we're all obliged to participate in. You may not know it, you may not like it, but you're in it. And the only being who knows what the game is all about, is probably not from this world. Because the most basic rule of the game is, everyone who's here must play.

No one is indispensable. Everyone has roles to play. If you refuse, there's always someone else to take your place. And you end up playing another role. There's no escape. There's no end.

It's like that hamster that keeps running on the wheel to get to the carrot stick. As much as I dislike rodents, that's the best metaphorical image I can conjure up right now (do hamsters even eat carrots?). I wish I never lost sight of that carrot stick. Now I've to keep running after something I know I can't have.

Nightmares transcend the demarcation of the un/conscious, reincarnated as deja vu. Nobody's role is unique. I should've just concentrated on playing mine. No questions, no self-inflicting torture.

2007-01-25T20:32:00.000+08:00

Wentworth Miller was born in England and raised in Brooklyn, New York. Though he’s from a family full of academics -- his father is a Rhodes Scholar, his mother is a teacher, and both his sisters are lawyers. Wentworth has been planning for a career in the entertainment industry from a very young age. He had his first taste of the acting bug while studying English at Princeton University. There, he joined the world-renowned a capella group, The Princeton Tigertones, and discovered that he had a real affinity for performing in front of big and small audiences...

Enough said? :)

2007-01-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

Lone. Alone. Lonely. Loneliness.

It's funny how people think you tend to feel lonely when you're alone. I believe in the opposite. Being alone does not entail loneliness. The loneliest feeling that I get sometimes is when I'm surrounded by loads of people. It's not the physical being, I suppose, that determines loneliness. It is the emotional isolation that really generates one of the worst feelings there is out there.

There is an image that pops up in my mind whenever I think of loneliness. I'm in this brightly lit room (sometimes full of people but really, it doesn't matter) and the camera zooms out and shows a towering building dotted with these bright squares and it continues to zoom out till the dots are reduced to specks and there are endless rows of such buildings and it goes on... You get the idea. Such loneliness is unbearable.

Ever wondered how long you can survive being alone? It's been proven that we are unable to survive alone. Perhaps I should add a specification. The "we" here refers to us socialised beings. The worst form of torture one can ever inflict upon another is to submerge a person in water with the proper inhalation equipment to ensure that he is kept alive. Blindfold him, strap him to inhibit his movements and of course insert feeding tubes into his body (he must be kept alive to be tortured *duh). No physical harm is needed for this torture as his own mind should do the trick. Mental torture is the worst thing you can do to anyone, trust me. His senses will be numbed, in order to eliminate all possible distractions that may interrupt him and his mind. Ingenious.

For the record, I'm not the one who came up with the above -shudders-

2006-12-31T13:18:00.000+08:00

Untitled

An insufferable space, guarded by hawks.

Hovering. Fiercely protective.

The lure of the azure sky, spanning above.

Beckoning. Gently seductive.

And then, in the distance, a presence.

A presence, like never before.

Lurging for it, a discovery.

A discovery I pray will never end

:)

2006-12-23T00:41:00.000+08:00

It really breaks my heart to listen to this song:

... my girl's in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you...

Did you know that the human species is not naturally monogamous?

I guess men are more in touch with nature (haha).

I may not be the most firm believer of monogamy but guess what.

Daisies are associated with faithfulness.

See, there's nothing wrong with liking them.

And for whoever's interested,

the rosemary is associated with rememberance.

Start respecting those weeds and herbs :)

2006-11-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

Treasure

for acting all silly to make me laugh

for lullabies without being asked

for thinking of me when there are stars

for not letting go

and always trying when it's tough

for the timely calls

for the much-needed visits

and for those that just makes me happy

for always walking me home

for being a schizo grumpy/cheer bear

for the seemingly impossible bowling mission (someday, I will!)

for bullying me

and making up for it later

for love.

thank you

I treasure, because I'm sure

happy six months :)

2006-11-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

Gravity

If a glass is falling, what is it that stops the hand from reaching out?

Yes, when all it takes is an effortless reach to save it from self-destruction.

Let me introduce you to something named Pride.

It is nor hand, nor foot...

Romantics say our hearts control our actions. Sceptics placed their bets on the mind.

I say Pride is the true-blue mastermind.

What else can be of such capability?

We are talking about the life of a glass here.

I'm sure it is not the unthinkable pleasure of listening to breaking glass.

Neither is it the beauty of disaster that only a million shattered glass shards can exude.

It's just a matter of letting the moment slip by you.

A moment that presented you a bifurcation. No silver platter, though.

Perhaps at that moment as you watched the glass fall with the unwavering determination granted by gravity

Nothing meant as much to you as your Pride

So your hand remained immobile.

And you watched the shattering with your beautiful wide open eyes.

Random sidenote again. I think I blog best when I'm not supposed to. Thoughts are bombarding my mind like nobody's business. I shall pretend to be sane by asking, am I going crazy?

2006-11-25T23:47:00.000+08:00

Pandora's box

I suddenly had a vague recollection of the Pandora's box. When the box was opened by the notorious rebel (was this story conjured up by an authoritarian?), everything that escaped and dissipated into the atmosphere were in pairs. Health was accompanied by sickness, contentment with hunger and of course, happiness with sadness.

How I wish that happiness had lost its partner during the escape. Whoever decided that we need sadness to feel happiness? I know when I'm happy. I do not need to feel unhappy to know what being happy feels like. I know tears of joy are tears of joy. How about this. If we did not have sadness, we'd have no problems cuz all tears will be from happiness.

On a very random sidenote, Coldplay is really an ingenious band. If you listen to their songs at the right time. Be warned though, they really know how to break your heart.

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from all of my mistakes

Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

2006-11-14T02:09:00.000+08:00

Maneater

Everybody look at me, me
I walk in the door you start screaming
Come on everybody whatchu here for
Move your body around like a nympho
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come on jump around
I want to see you all on your knees, knees
You either want to be with me, or be me

Maneater, make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, of her love
She's a maneater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cords
Make you fall, fall in love
She's a maneater
Make you work hard
Make you spend hard
Make you want all, all of her love
She's a maneater
Make you buy cars
Make you cut cords
Wish you never ever met her at all

And when she walks she walks with passion
When she talks, she talks like she can handle it
When she asks for something boy, she means it
Even if you never ever ever seen it
Everybody get your necks to crack around
All you crazy people come and jump around
You doing anything to keep her by your side
Because, she said she love you, love you long time

Never ever met her at all
You wish you never ever met her at all

I've been listening to this song and sometimes I wonder- so how does it feel like to be like her?
Haha ok stop telling me to forget about it before I even say anything about trying. Ugh.
By the way, my personal fave line:
You either want to be with me, or be me
Woohoo. Girrrl power.

Monica Bellucci.
Hello if you can look this hot when you're pregnant, there's no dispute over your maneating abilities. This is one HOT mama!!! 'Nuff said. Girls, huge sigh on cue!

2006-10-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

See which Care Bear you are.

2006-10-27T12:02:00.000+08:00

Breakfast At Tiffany's

I miss a good ol' breakfast :(

I miss the golden omelette, a perfect blend of yellow and white.

Cheese and mushroom, diced tomatoes or just plain.

Accompanied by 2 sausages that shines as the sunlight streams in (always get the window seat to enjoy the morning rays!).

A strip of bacon, oven-baked in its own fat to just the perfect crisp.

Have you ever heard the crackling of bacon in the oven? YUMMY :)

A generous scoop of tomato baked beans, sweet and sour and soft all at the same time.

Always with a tall glass of cold fresh milk, pure and white and simply irresistible.

Where's my breakfast???

:(

2006-10-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

Little Miss Sunshine

Catch it while you can. If I can only give you one reason, it's cuz I can't remember the last movie that made me laugh as hard throughout the whole show as this one.

Incredibly smart. Extraordinarily hilarious.

Lots of wit and humour with a dash of satire here and there. Insanely funny and yet heartwarming at the same time. I LOVED IT TO BITS.

Don't be fooled by its artsy vibes, the humour transcends borders.

You need not have read Thus Spoke Zarathustra (that is perpetually stuck to Dwayne's hands), or even heard of Friedrich Nietzche to understand the film. You also need not know who (or what, for some) the hell is Proust what Frank means when he referred to himself as the top Proust scholar in the country.

All you need is a sense of humour. The above just goes to prove that it's not a no-brainer.

Just go watch it. You won't regret it.

And PLEASE. Do not mistake it for the cartoon *roll eyes till they fall out.

2006-10-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

Question.
If people say that you tend to fall for the same type, does the same applies to those that fall for you?
And I digress.
Below are words of a genius that I wish to share. I guess it's an insult to even call them words, if you consider what wonderous things Neruda has done with them.

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

-Pablo Neruda-

2006-10-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

Sleepwalker
Why oh why do others only daydream when their mind is idle,
Yet mine stubbornly drifts to the furthest ends when I'm busy?
Random thoughts in my head now:
mahjong (yes, this is first for a reason), satoshi tsumabuki, private island, haze, the black dahlia, rain (korean hottie, NOT precipitation twas why his name is in red-hot red and not blue haha), phish food, yellowstone, olympic-sized swimming pools, daisy fields, babies, volunteering, carebears, mooncakes, malaysia, wedding dinners, clubbing, tennis, chocolate cakes...
Stop daydreaming, stop.

2006-10-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

The Cup is Half-Full

Call me a hopeless optimist if you wish.
I just can't help but see the good side of things.
Take the recent haze for example. Everyone has been complaining about it... But when it's evening time, do take a walk outside (just for a few minutes so you won't suffocate heh).
Why?
The sunsets I've seen for the past few days are simply beautiful (thanks to the haze) :)

2006-09-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time

Revelations abound lately, and they're not the good kind.

Innocence is not something you can hang on to anymore. Not when others can pry it out of your clenched fists with such ease. So you pour icy water over us and expect us to stand still and drench our bodies without moving a muscle? You feed us with lies, such wonderful, sweet lies and then take back everything, everything we've ever known because you decided it's time to "let us in" on the truth?

Who are you to decide who deserves to know the truth?

The truth belongs to everyone. Ignoring that was the first boo-boo you made.

Great job for emulating the wonderful system that our glorious country runs on.

Great job indeed.

2006-09-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

Imagine. Create. Defend.

Someday, I will.

2006-08-29T14:29:00.000+08:00

When I was about the height of my dad's knees, fairytales were my obsession.

Come to think of it, I never really was a fan of Barbie dolls or other pretty girly toys (even though I had a gigantic Barbie dollhouse that other girls would die for... HAH!).

Anyway, fairytales taught me a thing or two about love. The most important being my Prince Charming riding up to me in his stunning white stallion and whisking me off to his faraway kingdom (not to mention a castle to die for) at the exact moment when I need him the most, be it 1) when I foolishly thought all apples will keep doctors away, including poisoned ones, 2) when my stepmother and sisters insist that it's my turn to do the housework (even though I clearly remember doing it the previous week), 3) when I clumsily prick my finger with a needle (what a disgrace to my mum) etc.

When I got to the height of my dad's chest, I realised that none of the above was going to come true. Firstly, no kiss is going to revive anyone who is poisoned or under a curse or in a coma (which I'll opt to switch off the life-support machine if the latter ever occurs to me *touchwood). Secondly, I've been doing housework all my life and nobody has ever rescued me from it. Thirdly, when I prick my finger all I'm told is to apply antiseptic lotion to it. Life is such a let-down.

But as always, things have a way of working out :)

Prince Charming came to me in the form of a punk brown bunny.

The white stallion is replaced by a black Lancer.

The faraway kingdom is well, 5min away from my home (we're still working on that castle).

He didn't appear when I need him the most.

In fact, he came into my life in the most unexpected manner. I was happy and carefree, enjoying my life and preoccupied with having fun. Damsel in distress? I don't think so.

He will pare apples for me, clean my room for me (yay!) and well, I guess there is no cure for my clumsiness so I can't blame anyone for pricked fingers.

Instead of rescuing me, he did so much more. He showed me how to love and be loved, how to care for someone with all your heart and how to be happier than I could ever imagine...

Happy 3 Months! :)

2006-08-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

Pain.

Please take out my tonsils.

Someone, anyone.

The pain makes me want to scream. But I realised screaming will only make the pain worse.

My throat feels like it's closing up. And each act of swallowing is accompanied by a cringe :(

My head feels like it has swelled to twice its original size. And there's a constant feeling that someone is forcefully pressing against it.

My fever is more fickle than, well, me. (not to mention it's hot like me too wahahahahahahaha 39degrees leh no joke :P)

Everyone, please pray that my fever doesn't make me dumber than I already am (see it has already made me admit that I'm dumb). Keelong was quite amused when I could still cheer with him (none other than the "I've got a fever, I'm hot, I can't be stopped" cheer duh). Hey I was just trying to accomodate his post-fwoc withdrawal.

I still can't believe that the doctor was grossed out by my swollen tonsils :( How mean.

Thanks to everyone who expressed their concern... keelong, muifong, dennis, andrea, steph, martin, steven and a certain freshie who wishes to remain anonymous haha.

Of course, last but never least, thank you, my telepathic healer :)

2006-08-11T18:45:00.000+08:00

Pix from Bangkok! Delay unintended.

2006-07-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: This entry is only meant for a certain brown bunny :) The rest of you can ignore it if you want. Haha!

Romantic Compatibility
Provided by Astrology.com
Gemini & Libra

When Gemini and Libra come together in a love affair, they enjoy a great relationship based on intellectual interests and mental agility. Dual-natured Gemini loves Libra's balance (lol), and Libra is always entertained by the chatty, brainy Twins :) Libra loves art and beauty while Gemini loves the beauty of an idea, but these loves aren't far off from one another.

Both Gemini and Libra have a great deal of mental energy. They can come up with all sorts of great ideas when they work together, and Libra has the get-up-and-go needed to put their ideas into action, a quality which Gemini tends to lack :P In fact, in the birth of an idea Gemini is better at pontification than direction, but this is a valuable contribution to Libra's mental process. Both Signs share a need for intellectual freedom, which they can certainly provide for one another.

Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus (Love) and Gemini by the Planet Mercury (Communication). Libra and Gemini work well together; they combine the forces of love and communication. As Libra prizes harmony with their lover almost above all else, Gemini won't be able to indulge their love of a good, hearty debate too often; Libra would rather do almost anything than argue.

Both Libra and Gemini are Air Signs. Gemini loves Libra's energy and has no trouble keeping up when Libra is off and running with a new idea, art project or other pursuit. Both Signs have wide-ranging interests, giving them great material for provocative discussion.

Gemini is a Mutable Sign and Libra is a Cardinal Sign. Libra likes a position of leadership in a relationship. They most often come up with the date ideas, for example, and flexible Gemini's happy to go along -- as long as it's okay to change their minds at the last minute :) Libra tends to initiate things but has trouble finishing them; Gemini is so adaptable, they won't mind switching gears on a moment's notice and moving on to something else if Libra gets bored.

What's the best aspect of the Gemini-Libra relationship? Their ability to work together as an intellectual team. Together they can expose each other to new and different points of view and areas of interest, and help one another open up their worlds.

2006-07-18T11:20:00.000+08:00

Life is unfair.
But that hardly renders sufficient consolation, eh?
I always picture people shouting "life is unfair!!!" at the top of their lungs, pulling their hair out, lying face flat on the ground with hands stretched outwards, in total exasperation and surrender.
That is why I hate using this phrase. I dislike losing and I definitely do not like to surrender.
But sometimes, there is just simply nothing you can do about it. Nothing. Zilch. Zero.
Like now.
I wonder if the reverse stands true for the saying that you should not treat others the way you do not want to be treated. If it is true, I'll be more freaking mad than I already am right now. The favor we're asking for here is definitely within one's ability. It's just a matter of willingness. Oh well, the key word here is favor and I guess that entails willingness so that's that. Your straightforward "no" has shut the rest of us up.
EURGHHHHH!!!!!
I hope I get to understand your side of the story soon... cuz I'm sick of being the one shouting "life is unfair!!!" at the top of my lungs, pulling my hair out and lying face flat on the ground.

2006-07-15T15:51:00.000+08:00

Are you ok?

It's amazing how a simple question like this can lead to so many complicated interpretations.

To me, there are millions of reasons why he'll tell you he's ok even if he's not.

He doesn't want you to worry. He believes he'll be ok soon so there's no point in worrying you. He thinks that you won't be able to change anything even if you know he's not ok. He doesn't want to burden you... The list is endless but the starting point is the same.

However, there can only be one reason if he tells you he's not ok.

When you ask a person if he's ok... Do you really want the truth?

Can you deal with it if he tells you he's not? Will you fault yourself if you find yourself helpless in the situation?

Now you understand why he tells you he's ok when he's not.

So I say, leave it at that. If you know he's just trying to make you feel better, don't push it. Even though all of us have immense faith in our gut feelings when it comes to those who matter to us... Don't go on and on about it. Even if you sense that he's not ok and you trust that feeling more than what he tells you, leave it.

It is tiring to lie. Especially to someone you care about.

I rather ask him the question just once, leave the answer to his discretion, and accept whatever he tells me than to continue bugging him till I get the answer I supposedly want.

"Please stop asking if I'm ok... I don't want to lie anymore."

That will just break my heart.

2006-07-12T14:54:00.000+08:00

Fatuous Words

Sweet words lied there, awaiting in stillness.

Along came her. From a distance, we see her pick up a whiff of the saccharine ambrosia. Slowly but surely, she inches closer to its source.

As we watch, a horrible foreboding deja vu of a fish being reeled in by the line surfaces. That's it, we exclaim to ourselves. She's hooked.

Gingerly, she picks up the words. Each is treated with the same attention and care as a newborn would garner. She consumes them, as they consume her.

Poor girl, we think, clucking our tongues as we shower her with despised pity. Trapped by insincerity, fooled by lies and blinded by sweetness. How can she not see through the sugar-coated poison? How can one be so naive and ignorant?

Alas, it is not her who is ignorant. It is us.

For this is the girl who quotes Frantisek Halas by heart.

Fatuous words I don't trust you I trust silence.

How would someone like her fall prey to sweet words that are no match to her intelligence?

If you ask her nicely, she'll tell you why.

For it is not the words that she has fallen prey to. It is the person whom the words came from that enchants her.

She chose to believe that everyone has a soft sweet creamy centre in them. She chose to continue believing that, even though bastard-coated bastards with bastard centres had crossed her path before.

A sugar coating does not guarantee an equally sweet centre, but it does not necessarily disguise a sinister centre either. Go figure :)

Fatuous words I don't trust you I trust silence
More than beauty more than anything
A festival of understanding
-Frantisek Halas

2006-07-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

Delayed Inspiration.

Yes my dear friends. I'm still alive. And kicking with all my might.

Many stories floating around lately. Words in the wind, I like to name them. Sometimes I wonder if I stared hard and long enough, would I be able to see those letters twirling around? How about fragments of memories entangled in mid-air?

Once again (yes I know it may seem like it's been a long time), my mind is back to work. The cogs may be a little rusty, but I assure you they will not fail us :) Let us not waste anymore precious time... Gather ye roses...

How can there be rainbows and butterflies when we have darkness and fears?

How do such extremes co-exist is this already suffocating space we claim to be ours? In a world that cannot embrace the sick, the poor and the underprivileged... How can it allow such extremities to rub shoulders without any cause for conflict?

As always, the crux of the matter soon engulfed me like a haughty storm- one that refuses to let anything stand in her path.

Without the rainbows and butterflies, the darkness and fears will not frighten us.

Without darkness and fears, the rainbows and butterflies will lose its beautiful charm.

Ultimately, it all boils down to the theory of relativity.

Who would have thought that physics can be useful?

Without the rain, there will be no rainbows. And let's leave the caterpillars alone and not insult them any further. Personally I do not find them revolting :)

The point is, everything is relative in this world. So even extremes are not so extreme afterall, since they're dependent on the other end of the yardstick. Everything except love, I'll like to believe (since the almighty love is supposed to be beyond and above the mere mortal's worldly issues). Let's hope it does not disappoint.

The stories remind me of Peyton's mantra in OTH... People always leave. I used to believe otherwise, but something opened the door to let reality in and what I got in return for my silly insistence are scars from the icy claws that gripped and shook me up from my daydream that has been going on for far too long.

However, Peyton also taught me something else. Every song has an end... but does that give you any reason to not enjoy the music?

So live bravely, and love boldly... for every regret takes away one breath of your life.

2006-06-20T16:58:00.000+08:00

Surprise!!!

Having found a new skin that is to my liking and attempting to fulfill my promise (made to self) to do something about this blog before my birthday... Here's my debut post since my disappearance a month ago *sheepish smile.

Birthday updates soon :)

One more thing. Special thanks to people who have suffered brain haemorrhage deciding what to get for me.

*** The accused pleads guilty for committing Blog Penal Code #76537692, otherwise commonly known as "blogging for the sake of blogging".***

2006-05-30T11:01:00.000+08:00

Be prepared that not everyday will be sunny
When you get lost in the darkness
Do not fear-
Stars only show themselves in the dark of night
And they will lead you home
Don't be afraid to make mistakes
Stumble
Or fall
Cuz most of the time
The greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most
Who knows
Maybe you'll get everything you dreamed of
Maybe you'll get more than you could ever imagine
Life may take you anywhere
The road is long...
And in the end

The journey is the destination

:)

2006-05-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

Thou shalt love thyself

Love yourself. Even if someone rips your heart right out of your chest, tears it into shreds and stares coldly as the blood spills profusely like a spurting tap.

Love yourself. Even if you're taken for granted.

Love yourself. Even if you do not understand why you should do so. Even if your whole life is screwed up. Even if your very existence is the source of your despair.

Love yourself. Even if they claim to do it for you. Even if they claim they will do it better than you.

Love yourself. Even if you've been cheated, dumped, tricked, disregarded and utterly disappointed.

Love yourself. Even if you think nobody does.

Because if you don't, nobody else will.

Because if you don't, it will not matter who else does.

I love myself.

Do you?

***dedicated to my dear depressed friends. brace yourself - you will get through this :)

2006-05-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

Of French and men

Yes, I am finally back (again). What brings me back, you may ask. Well, an ignited interest in French and the fact that I'm getting quite sick of people hunting me for updates (gosh you guys are worse than loansharks!).

First it was the movie DVC. The bright-eyed leading lady Audrey Tautou together with one of the greatest French actors of our time, Monsieur Jean Reno. Class and sophistication exude from each and every action, movement, word and expression. Together with the setting of the most beautiful historical sites of the world, one message was delivered to me from the cinema screen:

French = Perfection.

Haha. Ok I was just exaggerating. French-accented English, for one, is terrible. Most of the time it is incomprehensible. But nonetheless sexy and charming. You can speak French to me all night long and I won't complain :) Mwahahahaha.

My one-day stint with Sopexa, a French company based here was definitely the coolest job I've ever had so far. Call me superficial, but to me the experience justified the snob value of everything French. I used to wonder what's so great about them that deserves such adoration. It seemed like everything to do with French is considered le meilleur (the best). French cuisine (foie gras, truffles), wine (Chablis, Chardonnay), haute couture (who else but Lagerfeld) and even architecture (Louvre, Eiffel Tower). The French has always thought of themselves as the best, but I had always been more interested in why the rest of us feed that thinking.

Well, I got what I wished for and had a rare chance of having a first-hand experience of dealing with the French at an essentially French event, a Burgundy wine seminar and tasting. You see, the French are associated with the best because they devote themselves to be the best and nothing else. You can see it in everything they do. French cuisine is considered one of the best in the world. Each dish is a painstaking process of effort, concentration, precision, passion and of course, the desire for perfection. Every fragment that makes up the dish comes together immaculately for a perfect fusion of taste, texture and appearance. These traits are not only demonstrated in the culinary world, but in their other endeavours as well. French fashion is breathtaking, so is their architecture and last but not least, its people.

French men are gentlemanly, charming, intellectual, classy, sophisticated and romantic. French women, as my dear friend Andi will put it, are simply sizzling hot. I know I'm stereotyping, but for once let me indulge in the charming ways of the French...

Till I find another nationality to rave about :)

2006-04-13T19:37:00.000+08:00

A Walk in the Clouds :)

Now now. Who will be so kind as to buying me this pair of simply adorable preeeeetty cheerful wedges? *showers smiles all around :) :) :)

Her name is ALERJA by Salvatore Ferragamo.

It's only S$749 or US$419!

Come on, it's worth it. You're buying me a walk in the clouds.

Or how about an early birthday gift???

I knew it.

Damn I need a sugardaddy.

2006-04-03T23:41:00.000+08:00

Confession.

I'm lazy to blog.
There are lots of stuff that I want to blog about, but can't.
And partly cuz I'm just lazy haha.
So anyway here's some pix from my mini 4a gathering.
It's comforting to know that
Good ol' days will always be there.
Love ya guys :)

HJ: stop eyeing my hot model eye-candy! go find your own brokebacker.

2006-03-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

king!

Here's my reply to your post! :)

Yes, carousels are beautiful indeed. Circling, spinning, twirling round in a kaleidoscope of bright colors, happy faces and merry music.

But it takes a while before you realise the colors make you dizzy.

The happy faces irk you- they're as fake as a clown's painted smile.

The merry music? Deafening. But you can't seem to block them out by covering your ears, can you?

What's left to do when your sights are blinded, your feelings mistrusted and your hearing muffled?

Hop off the carousel, you hear the crowd shouting.

It's not an easy step. You may stumble. You may fall. The momentum may catch you off-guard. Each step is laced with doubt and uncertainty as you struggle to stand firmly on the ground. After all, you may have forgotten what it feels like after drifting for so long.

But you have nothing more to risk. You've already been through the worst. Always remember that.

When you think of the excitement and happiness of when you first set foot onto the carousel, remind yourself that carousels are beautiful- but that's all they are. Just like memories.

Step out. Don't let the kaleidoscope of illusions trap you again.

My hand will be there to steady you whenever you need me :)

2006-03-20T16:44:00.000+08:00

(pix of the guys from eons ago)

Hanging out with the 4a guys is always fun.

Hilarious, to be exact :)

After complaining to my buddy for ages about not meeting up for so damn long, he finally felt bad enough to ask me out :) (when in actual fact I'd been busy too... perhaps even busier than him wahaha~)

SOOO we went for dinner at BLOCK 85 and cheesecake after that at THE CHEESECAKE CAFE :) :) :) No prizes for guessing who's ideas were those :P (actually I only merely suggested it but my dearest buddy decided he'll take me to both yay)

Dinner was fab as usual. Ate alot. Talked alot more. Just the usual catching up and stuff. After stuffing ourselves with bak chor mee, oyster omelette and satay, we took off to Siglap for cheesecake :)

HJ and Zhiyuan called us while we were on the way and they too decided to join us.

Friday night + TCC = long queue.

I didn't really care since I've been craving for cheesecake and hazelnut milk for so damn long. But expectedly the guys were less patient...

ZY: Eh, long queue leh. Let's go somewhere else lah. I know of this German pub that sells good food.
HJ: Whose idea was it to go for cheesecake? Must be CCL right! *looks pointedly at me
me: *smiles innocently
ZY: So how? Wanna check out the German place?
me: You just wanna go for the beer right!
ZY: No lor, it's the queue. Besides, I can't drink tonight. Driving.
HJ: Let's vote- who wants to go to the pub?
HJ and ZY raises hand.
Fishcake looks at me helplessly with hands down haha.
HJ: Wah lao yubin are you a man?!?!?
ZY: He stopped being one long time ago.
(background check: my buddy has been siding with me since sec sch days even if it means betraying the guys wahaha~)
me: Eh wait a while longer lah. I wanna eat cheesecake!!! Yubin promised!!! *looks at buddy with teary eyes hohoho~
ZY: Aiyah we can go eat cheesecake at some other place what. Let's go lah.
me: *pretend to sulk
HJ: See she's sulking already lah! *points at me. Let's just eat cheesecake lah.
me: *beams triumphantly
GUYS: *lol

Haha yup so I got my way in the end. There was a compromise though. In the form of hoegaarden white ;)

Here's another of our crappy conversations that night :)

YB: WHOA! Check out that _____ (insert model name of some cool and damn expensive automobile)!!!
GUYS: *proceed to car talk for what seems like 5832659275 light years.
me: EHHH stop speaking Greek can?!
HJ: Ok ok. Hey did you check out the MANGO sale last week? (in sissy bimbotic voice)
ZY: No lah... The Elle sale is better!!! (also in sissy bimbotic voice)
ALL: *lol

That night was one of the most fun time I've had in ages (goes to show what kinda sucky life I've been leading huh). Thanks alot guys! :)

2006-03-14T03:15:00.000+08:00

Still Point.

You thought you got over it.
You thought time heals all wounds.
You thought you've grown stronger.
You thought you could handle it all.
You thought your heart could withstand the pain.
You thought nothing will ever hurt you again.

You thought wrong.

You're on a merry-go-round.
And he's right there in the middle.
No matter how many rounds you took,
No matter how much you think you'd moved on,
He is still there-
The centre of your universe.

You're only tiring yourself.
You're getting nowhere.
But you don't want to get off.
Because what if you don't want to move on?
What if you just want to watch from a distance?
What if you just need him to be there?
Safe, and happy.
Without you.
But it doesn't matter.

Because he's the still point of your turning world.

2006-03-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

Bored

This is such a typical thing to do when one gets bored- take online personality quizzes. I guess you can tell that I've posted the results (with my inserted lame comments) here cuz I don't have anything else to blog about. Haha! :)

Sometimes these quizzes are sooo deceivingly accurate. Till you realise that what it says is applicable to almost everyone... just that it has been phrased in a personal way so that you feel you can relate to it. Rubbishy crap! Haha albeit a fun way to pass time sometimes when you're bored :P

Feel free to comment! You can contest/affirm the results... I may be able to understand myself from you guys better than the quizzes! :)

Get to know yourself better
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. (who wouldn't?)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. (like DUH?!?!? if not who else am i supposed to commit to???) And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love. (*roll eyes)

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. (yup... so i can delay the start of my working career)

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Real You
Here is the analysis:
You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! (*coughs. i feel offended by this- but i do not deny it mwahaha~) Perhaps you could start reading good books (i do!!!); they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What's your personality love style?
Here is the analysis:
You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high. (arghhhhh. if i get this all the time from various sources does it necessarily means it's TRUE?! :X)

2006-03-07T03:21:00.000+08:00

Retail Therapy Needed!

winter charm necklace- the prettiest twinkling lil thing i've laid my eyes on (and can't wait to lay my hands on too). anyone feeling generous? it's available at http://www.asos.com/Jessica-Simpson/Winter-Charm-Necklace/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=54314&cid=1417 i'll be extremely grateful and nice to you in exchange!!! :) considering it only costs 6 pounds (ok that excludes shipping etc)... quite a fair trade no?

pretty but expensive ZARA skirt :( i want it but i don't need it (repeats 10x mentally)

awww. the lil polo on the left is what my heartbreaker son will wear. the sweet pink top on the right belongs to joce's daughter keira :) yup i know it's extravagant but the kids of tai-tais can't settle for anything less than ZARA kids right? ;)

my fave section in carrefour

muffins galore!!! :)

somebody else's fave section lol ;)

2006-03-06T21:57:00.000+08:00

My Weekend Getaway.

Despite all the work piling up and deadlines haunting my sleep (yeah right), I still had a wonderful fun-filled weekend thanks to my great friends and family :)

:: Friday ::
11am-2pm: K-Lunch with Andrea and Steven!
Haha I finally FINALLY went for ktv after pining for it for so long wahaha~ Shall not go on to describe what kind of crazy things happen when crazy people get together for ktv...!!! v_v"
2pm-8pm: Shopping with Steven and Joce!
Another crazy activity. Got rather tired towards the end from all the walking but I think I was more strained from laughing non-stop the entire day (ZARA kids will always bring a smile to my face from now on).
9pm-1am: Mahjong with Andrea, Steven and Sukee
Last crazy activity of the day :) to me it's also the HIGHLIGHT mwahahahahahahahaha~ *mad laughter of a mahjong addict

:: Saturday ::
Whole day: JB trip with family :)
Shall let the photos do the talking! Get ready to droooool people :P

2006-03-06T20:54:00.000+08:00

2006-03-01T14:34:00.000+08:00

"Love makes you do crazy things."

A long time ago, someone told me to watch Wicker Park.

It meant alot to me then as he told me this immediately after watching the film himself. It's always nice to know that someone who means something to you thinks about you too :)

I remember this because he knew what kind of movies I'd enjoy (and I'd say my taste is quite unusual)... especially since both of us are believers that you can judge a person's character by the movie, music and books he or she enjoys.

Wonder why it took me so long... but I'm glad I finally watched it :)

This song is featured on the Wicker Park soundtrack. And it made me think of you. I wonder if it was part of the reason why you knew I'll like the film. Chris Martin always breaks my heart, remember? :)

If you happen to read this... This song is for you.

::The Scientist:: [Coldplay]

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and fingers
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
Ooooohhhhhhh

2006-02-27T02:34:00.000+08:00

Still of the Night

Ever stood on the delicate tip of an apex before?

That is exactly where I am right now.

Vertigo.

Any slight movement, one as light as the flutter of eyelids in your sleep, is enough to send me flying.

What lies there, you ask.

What could have been. And what I can have.

Jump for what you can have! You shout at me, matter-of-factly, with such force it pierces through me like a bullet shot.

Convinced, I tried to take a step.

To my horror, I cannot lift a muscle.

So I tried, and I tried, and I tried.

But to no avail.

You forgot the haunting force of what could have been wields.

Even the most optimistic cannot push that away.

For Darkness resides in all our hearts.

This is not about decorum. Or insecurities.

Would I bother myself with such frivolities?

I need the strength of blinding lights.

To shatter darkness. To disintegrate fear. To carve a new path.

I need it before what I can have becomes what could have been.

And before it gets here, I shall stay where I am. And remain very still.

But please hurry.

I do not know how long I can last.

2006-02-24T18:35:00.000+08:00

Vday Spin-Off

I've come up with new theories on why everyone should have (or wants to have) someone special in their life. There's no particular reason for these formulations so please don't read too much into it and start drilling/interrogating me!

Life is mundane most of the time. Yes, there are occasional exciting parts. But the majority of our lives is made up of uninteresting and mundane everyday events occupied by boring details and repetitions. However, having that someone special makes a difference to this boringness. Suddenly, there's someone who actually cares about what happens in your life, regardless of how insignificant it is. Every little mundane detail will start to matter, because it matters to someone who is significant to you. It's like having someone there to witness what goes on in your life down to the nitty-gritty details that does not hold any importance to others.

Without that person, your life will just be another ordinary one in the world that may vanish into obscurity any moment.

Because life is so ordinary, because you are so ordinary, that someone will make a difference in your life- that has become significant all of a sudden.

I never believed in living life for someone else. I still don't. Like how I can't bring myself to believe that some people say they can't live without another person. The world will not stop revolving- but you'll look at the revolution in a different light if you're lucky enough to find someone to share it with :)

2006-02-10T15:22:00.000+08:00

TGIO!!!

IHG Closing is finally over. Which marks an end to cheerleading for me... at least for awhile. My life should return to normal again.
Sometimes a lil craziness really does you good. It helps you last through hectic marathon trainings sessions (try training every night for a week from 8pm-3am and you'll understand what i mean). It helps when you need to do bimbotic sexy moves in front of people you know. And last of all, it helps you tide over doubts and discouragement from unsupportive people.

Right from the start, the squad knew the limited (or no) support we had. No financial backing or moral support from the key figures. But it's ok. I'm proud to say we did it on our own. And we won't forget the people around us who truly believed in us and gave us the much appreciated support we needed so badly when the rest turned their backs on us.

We are tasting the sweet returns for our hard work after our 2 performances, IHG Closing and TGIO. For one, Master has agreed to get us mats for next year!!! That's a gigantic step for us in case you didn't know. Each mat is damn expensive ($80+) and we need about 120 of them. Do the math. When we were training 2 months back nobody even dared to dream about asking the hall to get us mats. Even though it's meant for safety purposes. We just had to do without it and find alternative solutions on our own. Because we had to prove we're worth investing in... And that's exactly what we did :) I just hope everyone else who saw our hard work feels the same. Remember, we're KR's pioneer cheerleading squad. We're 2 months old. And I say we put up a show as good as (if not better) than TH's more experienced squad.

1, 2, DOWN, STEPPERS!!! *rah rah*

training at ngee ann poly

waiting for practice at src (although it looks more like a picnic :P)

aili and me (love the background!)

warming up stunts (look at my fats!!! *gasp in horror)

darling cheerleaders!!!

and our trusty bases ;)

kr steppers :)

p/s: more pix coming up as soon as i get hold of them... too many cameras!!! haha.

2006-01-26T13:59:00.000+08:00

spark

ease or jitters. which is the one that tells you whether you have special feelings for someone?

both make equal sense to me.

to feel comfortable in front of someone you like sounds logical. you can be yourself without fretting over whether your hair is in place or if he/she can spot the number of blackheads on your nose. you can talk about anything and everything with no reservations on how he/she may judge you... cuz you just know they won't. you can share the level of comfort that other couples spent ages to achieve almost immediately. does this tell you that something special is happening?

however, there is that other type of jittery nervousness that you feel in the presence of a certain someone. we've all seen it in the movies before. the world closes in on the both of you... and suddenly, it seems like everything has been blocked out and nothing else matters except being in each other's company. it feels like if you concentrate real hard... you can actually see the sparks flying out from the positive tension between the two of you. haha drama-rama. simply put, when you're with that person, every ounce of feeling is intensified and everything escalates.

the point is, which is a better measure? or is there even such a thing in the first place?

i feel that shyness towards someone you have feelings for is inevitable... but it seems to apply more to infatuations. at least for me, that special someone should be the one that puts you at ease. you should be able to free your inhibitions in their presence. not completely of course, since i doubt it's possible in any case, but to a relatively large extent. it just doesn't feel right to me to simply feel the sparks but not the comfort of revealing your true self... maybe cuz there'll be a lack in depth? -shrugs- what do you think?

perhaps the best measure would be a delicate balance between the two... and not forgetting the unexplicable knowing in your heart :)

2006-01-23T10:35:00.000+08:00

what lies ahead

lately i've come to realise more than ever that i can't trust my own judgement and feelings anymore.

i seem to have to rely on what others think.

i mean, i've always listened to what others have to say... but it just seems like now i'm depending on these to keep me afloat.

i don't like this feeling.

i think i've lost my confidence from my experiences over the past year.

i've gained doubt and what-ifs. things i detest.

but as my friend aptly puts it, this is uni.

yes. this is uni. things are different now. i can't expect everything to remain within my reach and understanding. people are complicated here. much more complicated than the way i prefer them to be.

in fact, i don't seem to understand much anymore.

i don't understand how you can hunt for your next target while still maintaining a relationship with a girl you still call your girlfriend. i don't understand why you will only initiate a breakup when you've found your next girlfriend even though you don't have feelings for the current one anymore. even though everything is not working out and does not seem to be able to work out at all.

i don't understand how you could go through so much to patch up with your ex only to come and tell me that you've forgotten why you wanted her back so desperately in the first place. after all that has been said and done, how can you forget? how can you?

i don't understand what's happening now. maybe that's the problem. i'm trying too hard to understand. but i'm scared to go with the flow. i may drown. i may lose my way. i may lose everything i've worked so hard to keep safe.

but there's this annoying little voice in my head telling me i may also find a place more beautiful than any other i've been to. somewhere that makes it all worthwhile.

maybe this time... i should just listen to my heart.

2006-01-16T02:37:00.000+08:00

1, 2, down, UP!

GO KR~~~!!!

"Come on, you gotta SHAKE MORE!!! Pretend you're some chiongster!" "Yes!!! Shake that butt!!! SHAKE IT!!!"

welcome to BBC (Bimbo Boot Camp)... where we're given a 2-months crash course to bimbotism :)

#1: Bimbos are not afraid of heights. We do not know the dangers of the stunts. We were too busy fussing over our hair and whatnots when the instructors were briefing us.
#2: Bimbos are not scared of falling either. We have absolute faith in our trusty bases. -nod in unison- They are superman! They will catch us no matter what. Even when our faces are 5cm away from self-mutilation (aka the ground), they will catch us -chant "THEY WILL CATCH US" with conviction-
#3: Bimbos can shake and twist and contort their bodies in unimaginable positions as if each and every joint in their body has been dislocated. It's just the way we're born. -shrug nonchalantly-
#4: Bimbos have only one expression on their faces: BRIGHT SMILES :D -flash bright smiles in unison as proof-
#5: The cheerleading uniform is considered to be of utmost importance and is the pride and joy of every self-respecting cheerleader. Each strand of the garment is custom tailor-made and fits us perfectly. Which means you can find out our vital stats if you get hold of our uniforms mwahahaha~ :P

on a more serious note, cheerleading has turned out to mean alot more to me than i expected. to think that i went for try-outs for fun *shakes head. don't get me wrong, it is still fun... but there's alot more to cheerleading than just fun.

i can still remember how it all started. the list they put up in the lift with the names of those who made it into the squad. and of course nihara's wonderful work. she highlighted my name in yellow (quote nihara: well, it IS your favourite colour!!!). haha ok but to be fair almost everyone had already started laughing at me before she highlighted it.

why did i join cheerleading? nihara believed that it was cuz i had a sick fetish for being thrown and tossed around by guys (but i think she was associating me to herself *oops). it's funny, really. those who don't know me well cannot imagine me cheerleading. but those who do can totally picture it. haha i guess i save my craziness for an exclusive bunch only ;) (now everyone feels exclusive... isn't that grrreat???) LOL :)

i guess i joined the squad in spontaneity and in the spirit of fun. no special reason whatsoever. maybe it just appealed to me. or maybe it's the post-Bring It On effect. no point finding out why... what matters is that i'm enjoying it now right? :)

from the last i've heard, IHG closing is on 8 Feb. which is the day of our official debut!!! haha. time is running out. the routine is not polished... there's still so many things that we need to work on... but one thing's for sure. we really wanna perform with a bang :) we're KR's first cheerleading squad for goodness sake. haha step always joke about our photos being hung up in the archives room lol. right now we're only concerned about proving ourselves to the hall. we've got to show them we're worth what they invested in. and of course what's most important is for the rest of KR to be proud of their cheerleaders- the KR STEPPERS!!! :) :) :)

2006-01-14T04:05:00.000+08:00

elizabethtown.

this is one of the better movies i've seen in awhile. it's sweet and a lil touching... and definitely belongs to the feel-good-movies category :)

for those who haven't watched it yet but are going to... you better skip this entry cuz there're spoilers ahead! haha.

kirsten dunst said something in the movie which made alot of sense. actually it's something that i understood long ago... just that it sounds better onscreen lol :P

she said sadness is a form of surrender. i couldn't agree more. it's just so easy to feel sad. about anything. what's tough is how you're going to overcome your setbacks and move on. it is tough... but i didn't say it's not possible :) so the next time you catch yourself feeling upset... give yourself 5 minutes to wallow in self-pity or whatever negative emotions you happen to be in and then let go of your sadness!!! and if that doesn't work call me and i'll try to cheer you up myself :) :) :)

my favourite part of the movie is when orlando bloom sets off on his road trip thanks to kirsten dunst's brilliant idea and her super sweet handmade scrapbook-like map!!! it's like so so so thoughtful with maps and photos and messages and cds for him to listen to at specific locations etc and everything is just so well-planned out it's simply too wonderful!!! i want one too! haha i think romantic comedies make me dreamy and silly and wanna fall in love :P

anyway kirsten dunst mentioned that everyone should take a road trip alone at least once in their lives... well if that's true it means i've to first get my driving licence :P but i guess what's she trying to say is that it won't just be a simple road trip you'll be going on... but a road to self-discovery which is essential for everyone. it doesn't necessarily have to come in the form of a road trip (although i feel it's definitely one of the nicest way of doing it) but it has got to happen at least once in your life. if not, how do you live the life you want without understanding yourself? :)

2006-01-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

wet wet wet.

you know how people talk about the weather when they run out of things to say in a conversation? well that's definitely not the case right now. seems like everyone is talking the rain. haha. even i'm blogging about it.

ever wondered if you're the type who'd be affected by the weather? it is scientifically proven that the weather affects the mood of some people. so what effect has the rain had on you lately? :)

the rain is making me miss home more than usual. i want to snuggle under my warm blanket on my comfy bed and surround myself with soft fluffy pillows ;( i'll just stay in bed all day and read and drink hot chocolate till everyone thinks i'm autistic haha.

hmm. i shall go and lie on my not-so-comfy hall bed with the not-so-warm blanket and my lonely pillow and read my book now :)

p/s: it doesn't help that the room is so small it's almost claustrophobia-causing... i'll appear to be even more autistic than usual haha.